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Visions of the Alfa Talakawa, from the Proletariat...Nigeria, as I see it

Thursday, November 11, 2010


I am honestly done with politeness, taking time to be pretentious about being nice while gritting my teeth in silence.

This is Rantimus; if you can’t stand the heat, just stay out of the kitchen.

On the 14th of November, 1969, a brat was unleashed on unsuspecting Nigerians and the entire world.

Let me start with his ‘enviable’ background.

His father, Suarau Olayiwola Alani Bankole is a businessman and chieftain from Ogun State. He is the Chairman of West African Aluminum Products (WAAP) Plc. He holds the Yoruba titles Oluwo of Iporo Ake and Seriki Jagunmolu of Egbaland.

This Oluwo of Iporo Ake was a staunch member of the defunct National Party of Nigeria (NPN) and contested for the gubernatorial seat, both in 1979 and 1983. He was also in the defunct NRC from 1989 and moved on to the ANPP before settling down with PDP in 2000. Anyone with a keen sense of election trends in the South-West of Nigeria would know that until the 2003 intrigue masterminded by the Ebora Owu (Daemon of Owu, a ‘city’ in Ogun State) himself, Olusegun Obasanjo (the former Head of State who, unlike George W. Bush that got Al Zaidi’s shoes coming for his face, was attacked instead by a mad man), The South-West usually voted along Progressive lines.

Matter of fact, claiming to be an ‘Awoist’ automatically earned you a seat. Even the intrigue that brought in Chief Omololu Olunloyo in Oyo State in 1983 and almost brought in Akin Omoboriowo in Ondo State was so short-lived that the attendant violence ushered in the Military and took us back for almost a Century.

Against this backdrop, if you read the Party and Bullsmilk series, it does not take a lot of convincing to know the basic ideology guiding such a Politician.

But my grouse is with his son.

A certain Hairdresser and beauty therapist, who became a Member of the House of Representatives under the platform of the Alliance for Democracy (AD) in 1999, was ‘reelected’ in 2003 shortly after switching camps to the PDP. She became the first Female Speaker of the Nigerian House of Representatives in 2007. Then came the 628 Million Naira (about US$5 million) House-Renovation/ Official Car purchase Scam and she had to resign her position. But not until in an ironical twist, Hon. Aminu Shuaibu Safana, the chairman of the house's Committee on Health and a staunch supporter of Etteh slumped and died in the heat of the Comedy of errors.

By October 30, 2007, Etteh resigned and a certain Dimeji Bankole was elected on the First of November, 2007 as Speaker, beating his contender, George Jolaoye, by 304 votes to 20 (4 abstentions). In his address, he said:

"I am taking over the mantle of leadership at a very difficult time. But these are hard times, we need to build confidence again and assure the populace that we are still their representatives. I want an independent house that Nigerians will be proud of, this is my first task."

It is extremely sad and appalling that people are not held responsible for their utterances on this side of the divide. Exactly how has Dim Banks assured us that ‘they are our representatives’? By suspending 11 members who accused him of fraud and even came up to show items allegedly purchased fraudulently under his watch before the media? Etteh went down for 628 million; Dim Banks had 52 Billion hanging on his head in the name of ‘Travel Expenses’. Messrs Onigbogi and Idahosa have been recalled, one on the alibi that he was ‘remotely’ suspended (he was in India when the incident occurred) and Idahosa on the grounds that he has now realized “every house has rules”.

Both members apologized before the committee; they have withdrawn their court actions, standing down their allegations against Dim Banks. They have been cleared, and asked to resume sitting and tender a public apology.

What apology? That they lied against Dim Banks? That is Libel! It also qualifies for Sedition, worse still, Treasonable Felony! Does that imply that the items allegedly purchased fraudulently and displayed before the Camera for us all to watch was all ‘cooked up’? Then they must be brilliant illusionists who have mastered the art of whipping up our emotions wrongly!

Alternatively, are the allegations real and they are only announcing that ‘hey, we have been starving since we got locked out’? CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME??? AM I TALKING TO MYSELF?

Anybody that believed Dim Banks on November 1, 2007 must have been under intense delusion.

Check out his educational background: From Lara Day Nursery and Primary School in Lagos, through Baptist Boys High School (1985) to ‘A’ levels in Albany college (1988), and BSc Economics, University of Reading (1991); Military Technique Strategic Studies, University of Oxford (1992), Public Finance Management, John F Kennedy School of Government, Harvard University (2005).

The simple implication of this record is that a good part of his higher cognitive life was not spent in the Country, period! The last time he really was here, before he showed up in the House of Representatives (I still stand in doubt of the NYSC discharge certificate he presented but then, who can argue against Certificate A417575, registration number FCT/FRN/97/99823 and the Orientation camp in Kubwa, Abuja? ) was in 1987/1988.

Those of you that want to vote along the lines of petty things like Age, Tribe, Religion, here is something to ponder. Dim Banks is only a Post-Independence kid. Matter of fact, he was born towards the end of the Nigerian Civil War. If he had waited a couple of months, he would have been classed as one of the ‘Kids’ of the ‘70s.

He only became the Speaker because of the PDP zoning formula which limited the Speaker to the South-West Geo-Political zone. He became the Speaker exactly two weeks to his 38th birthday. This dude speaks the English language like he is in competition with the Queen of England! Other than that, he is as hot-headed as his command of the language.

I still recall his July scuffle with the lame-duck Governor of Ogun State, Gbenga Daniel. While I don’t really give a hoot about either of them, the fact that a seemingly innocuous commissioning took the dimensions of a Tokyo-Eleweomo-esque (go figure that) fight speaks for itself.

However, the last straw that dragged me out of the Writers’ Block is his latest remark during the House of Representatives meeting with the Presidential Task Force on Power. He was reported to have spent a record five minutes after which he ‘declared’ the work of the task force, and by extension, the Federal Government ‘null and void’

His reasons being that the road map did not have the input of the House of Representatives, nor did the government deem it necessary to consult ‘stakeholders’ before formulating the roadmap.

Who are the stakeholders? Wait for it…

Bankole stated that no consideration was being given to importers and suppliers of generators, which by his estimate is A BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY THAT NEEDS TO BE PROTECTED!

Could someone please shut this BRAT up before further damage is done?

PS: The Brat has a blog: